they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
