would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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