I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
