I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
