i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
