Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
