never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sex in a hospital.. check
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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