Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
