"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
