nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
