Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
