If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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