Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You can't just leave with hair like that
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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