I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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