maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
