Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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