tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
