It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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