Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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