yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
