Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
