I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
50% drunk capacity currently
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
