i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
