i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
