Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
