just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
