my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
