sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
