I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
