real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
