god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
