I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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