you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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