mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
