but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
