so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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