I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was like eating out sand paper
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
