Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize