dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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