My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sorry about my life...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
