omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
