dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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