My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
