I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
