Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
