that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
