New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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