and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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