Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
