return my video game
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
