Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
