Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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