I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
