did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
