I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
