Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
