I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
