remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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