well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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