Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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