you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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