Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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