the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
