Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
