Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
