I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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