I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
