Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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