Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
