CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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