You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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